Tuney's Secret
by starwarsfreak95
Summary: Petunia Evans has a secret. It's eating her away inside and she can't take it anymore. She can't let anyone ever find out, it would be the end of her. What to do?


"Lily, where are you going?"

"I'm going to the playground with Sev! Just us!" Eleven year old Lily stuck her tongue out at her sister, who's attitude instantly soured.

"Fine! Guess you didn't promise to play with me today after all!"

"Oh, Tuney, I'm so sorry," Lily began.

"It doesn't matter," Petunia sniffed, "I didn't want to play with you anyway!"

Petunia's chest ached as her sister left sadly. She loved Lily with all of her heart, but she often forgot that these days. Petunia was keenly aware of her status as a "muggle," or non witch. She pretended to hate the wizard world and all that it stood for. It was obvious that she was jealous of Lily and her status as a witch, as well as That Snape Boy from Spinner's End who took away all of her sister's time.

But Petunia Evans had a secret.

Tuney's secret was not that she wanted to be a witch. It was obvious that she did. It's not that she actually was either, that would make things too easy. Tuney's secret was that she had a huge crush on Severus Snape.

Lily spent all of her time with Severus. And it was obvious that he adored her. However, Severus was acidic at best to everyone else. He looked down upon muggles in general and Petunia in particular. But Petunia saw how Severus treated Lily. Tuney just knew that if she was good enough, Severus would like her too. Or even instead. In the meantime, Tuney would do whatever she could to get his attention. With a small smile, Tuney began running to the playground by a secret way that she hadn't told Lily about.

When Petunia arrived at the playground, she hid and watched for her sister. Severus was already there. Tuney stared at him, unashamed, while both waited on Lily. She didn't see her sister show up, but Tuney saw Severus' face transformed with shining eyes and a smile when he saw Lily. It made her entire chest hurt with longing. A single tear crept down Tuney's cheek as she wished with all her heart that Severus would look at her like that instead.

Tuney didn't understand a word of what they were talking about. What was a Hogwarts? Dementor wasn't even a word.

"You're not going to go to Azkaban!" Severus said, "You're too-" he turned red. Tuney's heart ached. She knew what he was trying to say. Not thinking, she shifted behind the tree, and lost her footing. Lily and Severus' heads whipped toward her. Tuney's face was slightly pink.

"Tuney!" said Lily, surprise and welcome in her voice. Lily didn't mind having Tuney there. Something in Tuney recognized how much her sister loved her. Severus, on the other hand, had jumped to his feet in anger.

"Who's spying now?" he shouted. "What d'you want?"

Tuney looked at his face and realized that she would never gain Severus's love. Or even his respect. She was just a lowly muggle. In that moment, her love for Severus turned into a rock hard lump of anger and hurt in her chest. She struggled to insult him past the lump in her throat.

"What is that you're wearing, anyway?" she said, pointing at Severus' chest. "Your mum's blouse?"

There was a crack. Tuney looked up to see a branch from the tree coming her way. Lily screamed.

The branch caught Tuney on the shoulder, and she staggered backward in pain and

burst into tears. She hated herself for hurting Severus. But hated him and Lily for hurting her. She ran back to the house, sobbing all the way. As she left, she heard Lily calling her name, but she couldn't stop. Stopping meant that she had to tell her sister that she was in love with Severus Snape, and that wouldn't do. She ran directly into her room and laid on her bed, sobbing.

Soon after she got home, Lily was there.

"I'm so sorry, Tuney," Lily said, quietly.

"No you're not," a horribly hurt and embittered Tuney said, "You don't care anymore! You just want to go to your stupid school and learn magic so that you can be special! You and-" Tuney couldn't even say his name, "You and that Snape boy!"

"Tuney!" Lily sounded more hurt than Tuney had ever heard her.

"Just go away, Lily!" Tuney screamed. Lily put her hand on Tuney's blonde hair, then left. The last sound Tuney heard was a tiny sniffle, as though Lily was crying. Tuney knew that she was being unfair, but she couldn't help herself.

Over the next couple of months, Tuney avoided her sister. The only time she saw Lily was when that weird old guy came to explain to her family that Lily was a witch. Lily was starstruck with the information provided to her, and their parents were just as amazed. Secretly, Tuney wanted to be able to go too. She knew that if she was able to go, she would have gone the year before. This did not prevent her from writing a letter to the old guy, Professor Dumbledore, asking for admittance to Hogwarts. He denied her, though kindly. After this, Tuney cried herself to sleep every night until the day Lily left for school. Tuney knew that this was her last chance to mend things with her sister who still loved her unconditionally, but Tuney simply could not face the shame that came with apologizing to Lily, and especially not telling her about her feelings for Severus. Which had never gone away.

When Lily left them after her argument with Tuney on the platform, Tuney spent the rest of the time memorizing Severus. She was determined never to see him again. Unfortunately, soon after Lily left, he left as well.

That night, Tuney cried herself to sleep for the last time in many many years.

The next seven years were torture to Tuney. She watched her sister drift in and out of the world Tuney hated, with the man she never stopped loving. Severus never changed in all of the years she saw him. Suddenly, after Lily's fifth year, Severus stopped showing up at the house. Tuney wanted to ask Lily about it, but sensed her sister's misery about the situation. Eventually, in Lily's seventh year, another boy came home with her. Tuney disliked this one immediately. He was messy in a snobby, rich kid way. And he was dating her sister. Tuney kept up her seeming hatred for the wizarding world, and refused any contact with her sister. Eventually, she married the Potter boy and Tuney married Vernon Dursley. She didn't love Vernon, but she did love her son Dudley. She didn't ever want him to felt left out like she did with her own parents. Especially when Lily was killed and Tuney was landed with her son Harry.

Tuney hated the boy. Not just because he looked like the man that stole the last of her sister from her, but because every time he was hurt he looked at Tuney with Lily's sad beseeching eyes. The same uncomprehending hurt that was in Lily's eyes from the time that Tuney ordered Lily out of her room until the day Tuney refused to be her maid of honor. Harry was a living testament to the world that had stolen her sister from her and alienated her from the man she loved. She raised Harry until the day the aurors took her and her family from Harry. As she left Harry in her living room, she opened her mouth to apologize, and perhaps explain, but then realized that it was futile. Tuney could never compensate for her past.

Several months later, Tuney was eating dinner in their safe house. She felt a sudden emptiness in her heart that gave her the sudden desire to cry. She excused herself and cried herself to sleep for the first time since Lily left. Several days later, she saw a list of the dead. When Tuney saw Severus' name, something inside her died. She knew that she had felt his death. She also knew what that connection had meant. She truly had loved Severus. And she still did, even though he was dead.

Petunia Dursley lived to be a very old woman. She outlived her husband and son, and saw her own great grandchildren. She was able to be civil to her nephew, and her great nephews and niece. She was even invited to a few Weasley family reunions though she only attended one. Until the day she died, she never cried herself to sleep again.

Tuney stared at her sister from across the field. Finding her courage, she walked over to Lily. Past James Potter, who looked at her with suspicion, past Remus Lupin and his wife, who looked at her with curiosity, past Sirius Black, who looked at her with disdain, and even past Severus Snape, who looked at her in horror as he read her connection to him in her soul. She marched directly over to Lily.

"Lily, I'm so sorry," she pleaded, looking directly into those green eyes that had so angered her on Harry. Lily just smiled, taking her sister into her arms and letting the hurting woman cry.

"I know, Tuney," she whispered, "I know."


End file.
